Edge of Winter

As I was driving home last night, I was thinking about how my life really isn't that bad. The desperation I've been feeling to move on to something new basically comes from a severe case of depression. Those feelings are not based on my situation so much as my psyche.

This weekend was pretty full, but all with familiar things that blur the line between my professional and personal life. I suppose that a lot of my time is spent with half my head covered by my work hat, the other by my time-off hat. We had a really great old time jam this Saturday, followed by a square dance that night. Life has gotten quite a bit better in our county since the county seat began allowing liquor by the drink a few months ago. First time alcohol has been allowed to be served or sold here in 40 years! That's a big change, and I think it has mostly been positive. At least my experience of it. A new cafe/coffeehouse opened up downtown that seems like it came straight from Asheville or any of these other downtown-revitalized places. Nice atmosphere, original artwork on the walls that rotates every couple of months, very nice sandwiches and a selection of beer, wind and spirits that is atypical of this region. I can now eat out and have a hummus sandwich instead of my usual grilled cheese. And I have my choice of a cold PBR or something a little fancier. I even have the option of trying beers whose names I've never heard nor could I ever pronounce! These little details may not seem that special to some folks, but they are pretty novel for folks living in deeps of Eastern Kentucky.

Sunday I worked in my garden, clearing out the tomato cages and various fences that, without success, I attempted to deter last year's deer population. As soon as the ground dries up a little, I need to get it turned over and plant my peas. I spent the later part of the day over at Lee and Opal's house. Learned a couple of really nice tunes, had a good dinner and sat around and talked for a few hours. I'm putting together a couple of big celebrations in honor of Lee Boy's 80th birthday, which falls on Easter Sunday this year.

Yesterday was a pretty busy workday, but it felt productive. Had a home-cooked country dinner at the community center at our monthly board meeting and then had a relatively new experience. I went downtown and saw a great band, the Felice Brothers, play at the little coffeehouse/cafe. Just a few months ago, going out on a Monday night to hear live music- with the exception of bluegrass- anyplace other than somebody's living room was unthinkable unless you drove a couple of hours to the nearest "city." So life IS getting better here, and I am aware of it. I wish I could fully feel the joy of these parts of my life. I'm hoping the combination of a new garden season, the anticipation of festival and camping season and trying out this whole therapy thing will pull me out the dregs and allow me to feel a little more than a watered down version of happiness.